I Am Afraid

I am afraid. Not of some sly rattlesnake, failing an exam, or even losing a job. All of that can be avoided or replaced. I am afraid of losing this place, this place us human beings love to call the planet Earth. I am afraid of everything maturation has allowed me to come to know and love disappearing with the wind. Being blown in circles like a tornado of leaves swirling in your backyard. The thought of losing my friends, family, and even just the very feeling of life haunts me. The crisp air, composed of nitrogen and oxygen circulates smoothly throughout the lungs of all living beings. The idea of losing the world surrounding us has me thinking of what could possibly be next? What is the afterlife? Or better yet, what is the purpose of life? Has God placed this population without an intention to keep it? I often find myself thinking deeply about the conscious of other people and if they're really like me. Or am I in a game and I'm the center piece, being watched my every move by some greater being. Is life a test for something? Is the planet Earth a simulation or qualification for the advancement of the next stage of whatever it is that is greater than what we know of as life? Sometimes I feel as if there really is something we as a population are missing. I get to thinking about the universe intensely and feel a sensation at the tip of my tongue almost like the answer to everything and life itself but my mind quickly bats it away. Crimestop, in a sense that I begin to understand something not meant to be understood, and so I subconsciously put the thought away and redirect my thinking to something more "natural" or "orthodox". If this is the case, what could our (my) mind possibly be trying to hide or censor? How can the knowledge of one thing be so harmful that it is worth keeping a secret forever? How do you know you're not a Schizophrenic and imagining everything that you think is real? Reality is just a word, and I believe it cannot be defined. It is the same concept as the saying "what you don't know can't hurt you". If you're having the best day of your life and something drastic happens to a relative but you are not told, the universe does not stop and force you to be sad. You are unaware of the tragedy, therefore in your mind everything in the world is fine. To you. This touches back to my point about the conscience of other people. Is History all made up? Did it really happen, or is it just an accessory to your life? "If a tree falls down in the woods and nobody is around, does it make a sound?" This was always one of my favorite quotes because it toys with the ideas that we are not used to. Does the world really revolve around you, and is everybody else there strictly for your own observation, without a single purpose? If this is true, then I am talking to myself. Try to imagine the world once you die - What does it look like? How are you seeing the world if you are dead? Where are you? Now snap back to "reality".